I said shit, goddamn, I’m a man

I almost chopped my index finger off today while I was making a salad. Rube told me today that it was important for me to never, ever date again. We talked about garden gnomes.

Good times.

I am coming to realise that a solitary existence is not a desirable one, but that just might be the morning wood talking. Who knows, and more importantly, who gives a good golly-gee?

I can’t wait to get a job/tax return ‘cos I’m in desperate need of buying new music. The world is a very dark place when you stare at your music collection and go; “meh, I’m bored with all of these.”

Dark days indeed.

Baked beans

I’m getting tired of spam mail. For every ‘real’ e-mail I get I get a couple dozen messages telling me that I can’t bring a woman to orgasm and that my penis is too small. Its like, Jesus, I already know these things, I don’t need strangers telling me it too.

Anyways.

I was reading GateWorld[dot]Net yesterday and apparently Richard Dean Anderson’s going to be coming back to Stargate SG-1 for a couple guest spots and it totally made my day. That, in turn ruined my day because I realised that the only thing that made my day not suck was the temporary return of a fictional character to a science fiction show.

Le Sigh.

Wander My Friends

One thing I don’t get about Blogger is sometimes you’ll get three/four hits from a blog and you’ll go “oh cool, some random fellow e-ho linking me, what’s the deal?” and then you’ll go to the blog and it’ll be in fucking spanish, chinese or french and you’re all “the eff? I can’t make heads or tails of this blog, what’s the deal?”

and then you can’t find your link anywhere on the page and then you’re all “the eff?” again and then you obsess about it because you have no life and you read the entire archive even though it’s in a language you can’t understand except for the apparently randomly placed emoticons that express joy, sadness, winking, flat and round mouths and licking and you think to yourself “golly gee, I sure do hope that the reason this person is sticking out their tongue is a sanitary one.”

Battlestar Operatica

I got a hold of Battlestar Galactica’s Season One Original Soundtrack, as composed by Bear McCreary today. It’s quite possibly one of the best scores I’ve ever had the pleasure of flooding into my auditory passages. One thing that has always impressed me about Battlestar Galactica [actually, everything impresses me] is the score.

At times it is so understated that it’s like a friendly buzz in the back of your ear and yet sometimes it’s so brazen that it almost outshines the action taking place on screen. An example of this is “Baltar Panics,” which is so bold it can cure cancer.

Well, maybe not, but I like to pretend.

I love hating on me

I don’t think a white person should ever say the word nigger. says:
sometimes you lose me man

I don’t think a white person should ever say the word nigger. says:
no i’m sorry, many times you lose me

I don’t think a white person should ever say the word nigger. says:
and i still stick by your side

dan says:
haha

dan says:
it’s ‘cos i like to wander around aimlessly like a penguin on heroin

I don’t think a white person should ever say the word nigger. says:
you fucking do.

I modified the “Blogebrity” button[as seen on the right side of the page] to suit my own self-serving and self-deprecating needs. I’m currently on my 4th or 5th pot of coffee and I haven’t slept since Sunday night, but for serious, I laughed so damn hard at that modified button.

I’m on the Z-List! May I requisition a ‘Hell Yeah’?

I just hope that I’m the first one to think this up, or I’m gonna look like a real douche. Chances are that someone already has thought it up. In that case, sorry to whomever I’m ripping off.

In the case that it is a rare original idea, feel free to steal the image and use it for your purposes/amusement.

301st Post Extravangaza

I meant to do a 300th post extravaganza, you know, a “Look At Me I’m A Blogger” type of deal but when I made my last post I forgot that it was the Almighty 300th Post. I had a plan and everything and it was all self-gratifying and it was glorious. There’s nothing like self-congratulations.

Instead this will be a regular post – a post where I explain how big of a retard I am.

What’s funny about this post – to me at least – is that I’m taking a break from typing Run-On Sentences and Shoddy Penmanship by typing a blog post. There’s nothing like changing lanes by… not changing lanes at all. There was imagery in my head there that made a lot more sense in my brain than it does written down. That’s the way it is with most things, they make sense or they’re fucking hilarious in my head and then it comes out and everyone’s all; “Are you stupid?” and I’m all; “I guess.”

I think that I have become addicted to writing. It’s all I do anymore. Aside from Shoddy Penmanship I’ve written the first four chapters of something I’ve called Cigarettes and Half-Truths, as well as the first chapters for UGLI and Planet 86.

It’s like crack to me man, for serious.

I’m so used to being wrong, so put me where I belong

The Grace by Neverending White Lights has got to be one of the best songs released in a long, long time. I know that I’ve said to various people that I dislike Alexisonfire, and I really do. I really dislike Alexisonfire. For Reals. However, I think that Dallas Green has the second best voice in Canadian male vocals. First place of course belongs to Matthew Good.

Anyhows, I’m about to embark on the long ass process of retyping a piss load of text. It’s going to be very, very ‘fun.’

I’d say I was an enigma if I wasn’t such a cliche

I miss Orillia. I really do, which is a weird thing because the only thing I could think of when I was growing up was getting out of Orillia. I had a tentative talk with with my ninja [Rube] about moving back to Orillia, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. As much as I’d like to hang out with him more often – haven’t seen him since I left Orillia almost year ago – the idea of going back to Orillia doesn’t make sense. Orillia is a town that traps you, feeds on you and kills you. To use a Matthew Good lyric; “Once you’re in you’re pretty much fucked.”

I really dislike St Catharines. Sure, the weather is nice, but you can get that anywhere. Sure they have a couple malls, but who with a penis likes shopping anyways? Sure there’s a great place downtown called Vinyl Frontier [greatest name ever], but it’ll eventually get shut down when fucktards kill the music scene by downloading all the music without paying for it.

Bah. I’ll just stay here until I’m financially secure enough to move to Toronto or some such place.

Christy, I’m going to start on the final draft of Shoddy Penmanship sometime this week or next, so you should get an e-mail within the next couple weeks with the document for you to edit.

P.S. Brush your teeth everyday Rube.

I’m so needy

I want a world where people can walk down the street without fear. I want a world where the people actually give a damn about how their lives are run, controlled and manipulated. I want a world where I can speak my mind freely and listen to others speak their minds freely. I want a world where homophobia and racism are embarrassing footnotes in the history of humanity.

I need a world where art retakes it’s throne back from product. I need a world where people no longer have a need or want to carry a gun. I need a world where a woman can walk alone in a park in the middle of the night and not fear being raped. I need a place to call my own, a place that I can call everybody’s.

I want truth to be spoken freely without having to disguise itself in a sea of jokes. I want those that would lie, cheat and kill to gain power and money to be held accountable for their crimes. I want people to know the difference between patriotism and blind obedience. I want a world where people can lighten the hell up.

I need a world with religious freedom. I need a world where those that practice their religious freedoms, don’t force their beliefs and ideals on others.

I need a world with checks and balances. I want a world that I can be proud of.

I <3 Pineapples

I’ve been writing a lot lately, I’m almost finished the second draft of Shoddy Penmanship. I’ve also started working on a full length novel tentatively titled “UGLI.”

Call me Captain Jumps-The-Gun.

It’s about stuff. I couldn’t be more vague could I?