Dissimulation

It’s easy to lie when you know that there’s going to be no fall-out.
It’s simpler to lie when you know what the fall-out is going to be.
But when you stare into your own wide-open eyes, sometimes you have no choice but to deceive.
It’s easier to pretend that the eyes don’t see the truth of their existence reflected off the glass.
Recurring themes make the lies easier to pile on, as if that makes it right.
But how could something so wrong make everything seem A-OK?
How can the sin gain forgiveness?

Flicker.
Inhale.
Pretend that it’s all a dream and then smile for yourself.
If you can convince others then you can convince yourself.
If you convince yourself it’s natural to rig the forecast.
It’s all in the delivery, come out swinging with a shit eating grin pasted from ear to ear like some kind of self-loathing jackal.
If we’re all animals, then we don’t really have free will, but if we have free will, there’s no God, but if there’s no God, then we’re all animals.

So just smile through the headache and push it aside, because responsibly is left for those in charge and nobody wants to be in charge if they can just reap the benefits of complacency.
Televised brainwashing for the grey matter in the skull of the rank and file.
Defile, the assemblage of the reflective element and squint to protect your skulls. Scream, to blot out the silence of the bright white light, because it can’t save you and it doesn’t want to.
Inasmuch as there is a freedom there’s a truth and the truth is that there isn’t a freedom.

Just the looking glass and the looking glass is nothing more then what you want your perception to accept.
This part’s going to hurt because now you’re going to have to stop squinting and accept the truth of what you are.
You’ve got to take responsibility for the shit you extend to everyone else.
But the white light hurts so much, doesn’t it?
It kills and it spreads like liquid over every pore and seeps in no matter how hard you try to stop it.

There’s nothing to do except to stop fighting, but if you stop fighting then you’ve kinda missed the whole point.

Best. SNL Skit. Ever.

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
LAZY SUNDAY, WAKE UP IN THE LATE AFTERNOON,

Dan says:
CALL PARNELL JUST TO SEE HOW HE’S DOING

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
“HELLO?” “WHAT UP PARNS?” “YO SANBURG, WHATS CRACKING?”

Dan says:
YOU THINKING WHAT I’M THINKING?

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
NARNIA!

Dan says:
THEN IT’S HAPPENING!

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
BUT FIRST MY HUNGER PAINS ARE STICKING LIKE DUCK TAPE

Dan says:
LET’S HIT UP MAGNOLIA AND MACK ON SOME CUPCAKES

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
shit i cant make out the next line

Dan says:
MAGNOLIA BAKEY HAS GOT ALL THE BOMB FROSTING

Dan says:
*Bakery

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
I LOVE THOSE CUPCAKES LIKE MCADAMS LOVES GAWSLING

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
GAWSLING GAWSLING

Dan says:
TWO! NO SIX! NO TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
I TOLD THAT IM CRAZY FOR THESE CUPCAKES COUSIN!

Dan says:
YO WHERES THE MOVIE PLAYING?

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
UP THE WESTSDIE DUDE!

Dan says:
WELL LETS HIT UP YAHOO! MAPS TO FIND THE DOPEST ROUTE

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
I PREFER MAP QUEST!

Dan says:
THAT’S A GOOD ONE TOO

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
GOOGLE MAPS IS THE BEST

Dan says:
TRUE DAT DOUBLE TRUE

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
SIXTY EIGHTH AND BROADWAY!

Dan says:
STEP ON IT SUCKER

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
WHATCHA WANNA DO CHRIS?

Dan says:
SNACK ATTACK MOTHER FUCKER

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
the chronic WHAT? iels of narnia!

Dan says:
THATS THE CHRONIC

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
What?

Dan says:
CLES OF NARNIA

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
WE LOVE THE CHRONIC

Dan says:
WHAT?

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
CLES OF NARNIA

Dan says:
PASS THE CHRONIC

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
WHAT?

Dan says:
CLES OF NARNIA

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
YO STOP AT THE DELI, THE THEATERS OVER PRICED!

Dan says:
YOU GOT THAT BACKPACK? I’M GOING TO PACK IT UP NICE

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
DON’T WANT SECURITY TO GET SUSPICOUS

Dan says:
MR PIBBS PLUS RED VINES EQUALS CRAZY DELICIOUS

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
REACH IN MY POCKET AND PULL OUT SOME DOUGH

Dan says:
GIRL ACTED LIKE SHE NEVER SEEN A 10 BEFORE

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
ITS ALL ABOUT THE HAMILTONS BABY

Dan says:
THROW THE SNACKS IN A BAG AND I’M A GHOST LIKE SWAYZE

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
ROLL UP IN THE THEATER

Dan says:
BUYING WHAT WE’RE HANDLING

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
YOU CAN CALL US AARON BURNS

Dan says:
FROM THE WAY WE’RE DROPPING HAMILTONS

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
PARKED IN OUR SEATS, MOVIE TRIVIA’S THE ILLEST

Dan says:
WHAT FREINDS ALUM STARRED IN FILMS WITH BRUCE WILLIS

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
WE ANSWERED SO FAST IT WAS SCARY!

Dan says:
EVERYONE STAND IN AWE WHEN WE SCREAM MATTHEW PERRY!

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
NOW QUITE IN THE THEATER OR IT’S ABOUT TO GET TRAGIC!

Dan says:
WE’RE ABOUT TO BE TAKEN TO A DREAM WORLD OF MAGIC!

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
WITH THE CHRONIC

Dan says:
WHAT?

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
CLES OF NARNIA!

Dan says:
WE LOVE THAT CHRONIC

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
WHAT?

Dan says:
CLES OF NARNIA

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
PASS THAT CHRONIC

Dan says:
WHAT?

TWO! NO, SIX! NO, TWELVE! BAKERS DOZEN!! says:
CLES OF NARNIA

Dan says:
narnia… narnia… narnia

Veneration

Somebody asked me [the mirror] what my “deal” is. Well let me tell you, my reflection, what my “deal” is. My “deal” is that I’m an idiot. It’s true, just ask Rube, he’ll vouch for that. He’ll also vouch that I never forgive when I perceive myself as having been wronged by a person and/or thing. So, my “deal” is that I’m a little bitch too. No worries, because I’m not likely to change any time soon. Due to said “idiocy” and “little bitch-ness.”

So then I was asked by my mirror if I bathe regularily. I scoffed and said that I may be stupid but I’m not gross. Sometimes reflections can be such a pain.

My reflection he goes; “So what’s with you and reality, you two getting along?” and I go; “Yeah I guess, he can be a dick sometimes though.” Then my mirror flipped me off. What a dick.

Then there’s the blog that angers me the most because of it’s lack of originality,
the chick who doesn’t allow comments anymore ‘cos people were being bitches[seriously, fuck you people],
the honourable british actor,
the goddess of stream of consciousness,
the guy whose blog doesn’t seem to work anymore,
the biggest jerk ever who hasn’t updated since November,
the man you can tell is a ladies’ man because of the way he walks,
the prettiest girl in Hamilton
and of course,
the best canadian artist of all time.

And they all scream from the screen and it bounces off the glass in my eyes into the mirror and they question my validity; “Do you think you’re worth it?” and I say “I’m not sure, but I sure hope I’m worth the Other.”

All the while the mirror is surrounded by them and they have a blast and I watch the
amalgamation of thought with a growing satisfaction, like a starving child given a steak for the first time.

Biggest douche

Matt Stone and Trey Parker may have said that John Edwards is the biggest douche in the universe, but I think that his position has been usurped. By a former American Presidential hopeful named Pat Robertson. First he calls for the assassination of a human being, and a few days ago he said that a man had a stroke because God smote his ass. Or rather, in this case, heart.

If that’s not being a douche, I don’t know what is. I myself was raised christian, with church attendance every sunday for over a dozen years and elementary school attendance at catholic schools. I’m not a practicing christian, and I haven’t attended a church sermon in well over a year but I can still say this; this douche is giving christianity and christians everywhere a bad name.

I believe in God, but me and God have issues and are not on speaking terms. However, what angers me with The Church [Capital Letters!] is when people presume to say what is God’s will. Unless God comes down from the Moon wearing a T-Shirt that says; “Bitch, I’m God, pay attention,” I don’t think that anything that is said by any man or woman preacher can be taken as anything further than personal interpretation or opinion.

But to spread hate, malice and lies in the name of God… again, let me stress that I am not a religious person, but it still shames me to think that a man like Pat Robertson has such a large audience of people that hand on his every word. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that he has the right to free speech, and that he uses it, but it would be nice if he used it for good and not evil.

Still though, biggest douche ever.

Best thing ever

http://www.doubleagent.com/video.php?v=776&ct=37&lps=0&sb=

Hot Olmos Action!

Good weekend for science fiction. Stargate SG-1 and Battlestar Galactica’s mid-season openers aired on friday. Atlantis’ did too, but were I am it airs on The Movie Network, and we’re already halfway through it. So suck it. SG-1’s was rather humourous, Ben Browder’s character, Cameron Mitchell has definitely solidified himself in the show, his scenes with Michael Shanks’ Daniel Jackson were some of the best this season.

All in all I wasn’t all that impressed with Battlestar Galactica’s opener, but only because the final scene in it’s predecessor was one of the best moments in TV history. Edward James Olmos, hands down, has the greatest gravely voice of all time. Eat your heart out James Earl Jones, eat it. It was a good episode, I’m not knocking it, but the moment at the end of the last one [Pegasus] built up so much suspense that no matter what they did to continue on it, it would have been a let down.

[/geek gushing]

My first hate mail, I’m so proud…

Title: i hate u
From: [removed]

whats ur problem bitch?
ur blogs the worst taht i ever read before.
all u do is whyne liek a babie u litle bitch
why u making a book no one is going to buy it idiot.
and why do u link to tony priece lol
hes rael bloggr an ur not stupid
dont like u noone likes u u are strupid to bothor wit thta.
are you pertrending that ur friends wtih him or ur aer cool?
news flash u ar not cool luser.

fuck u
someone who is better then u

I’d like the thank the academy… *tear*.

I’m not sure why exactly, but I was rather happy to receive this hate-mail, though I do admit to being offended by the atrocious grammar and spelling. Usually people hate me because of my shitty attitude, or my lack of social etiquette, but this… individual, took the time to hate me anonymously over the internet because of my all around un-cool factor.

Good times, good times.

The Ultimate Showdown

I may [Read: am] be behind in the times, but I just found out about Lemon Demon today. It’s good stuff, the “music video” for ‘The Ultimate Showdown’ is great, but I think that ‘Consumer Whore’ is the best song.

What are you waiting for?
Enough of this redundancy.
Why don’t you go back to my show?
No need to torture me.
It’s just commercials.
Damn commercials on my plasma screen.
It’s such a pain, so I complain
while drinking my caffeine.
My Nike shoes are on my feet.
I’m going out to get some McDonald’s to eat.
Don’t know what my brain is for.
I used to, but I don’t no more.
I am a consumer whore.

I haven’t mentioned the collection of short stories and other things that I’ve been working on in quite a while, so I thought that I’d say that it’s still in progress. It’s almost finished in fact. At this point there’s enough to call it a finished project, with over a baker’s dozen worth of stories, but I plan on writing quite a bit more before I call it ‘finished.’

I’m quite proud of the re-written Laughing Man stories. Now they actually make sense, with fixed grammar and narrative and what not. I might post another snippet in the next few days so keep your eyes open, but I’m not promising anything.

You say tomatoes, I say seperation

People have been on my case the last few days because I’ve been listening to Kanye West. Apparently, people are only allowed to listen to certain genres, based solely on the colour of their skin.

Fuck that.

If the music speaks, listen. It’s as simple as that.

Me be funny

the fun machine took a shit and died says:
what are liberal arts?

Dan says:
the opposite of conservative arts