Merry Fucking Christmas

and Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa and FETIVUS FOR THE REST OF US

Holy Moly it’s me

I’m only making this post to dissuade the notion that I’m not coming back and to explain why I was on Myspace on the 9th. I’m only online for about 5 minutes a week, thus I have little time to do anything other than check my mail and whatnot. I will be coming back as a blogger as soon as I get my computer online which will be as soon as I get my first paycheck which will be as soon as I get a job which will be as soon as I manage to get out of bed before 1 in the afternoon.

Fuck, I set my alarm to get up early so that I can be at the job bank when it opens then I moan and fall back asleep and who the fuck wants to hire someone that only shows up late in the afternoon? Seriously serious.

But in the meantime peoples, enjoy Mrs-who doesn’t-want-to-post-on-her-own-blog-or-to-have-her-blog-linked-for-silly-reasons-Christy’s posts. I always do.

P.S. – Yes Christy, you are one of my favourite bloggers, right up there with Tony Pierce.

accident circus

i wonder when you come back, what you will say about my posts, and will you be mad?
you said one time that i was your favorite blogger, right up there with tony pierce, and that was funny to me, flattering, and forgive my reluctance to believe, but i thought maybe if you still feel that way you won’t care that something that should be in my little haven is resting here in yours. it feels better to be somewhere else, to say what you say in a different place, to say what you say for a person that gets it instead of saying it to a bunch of people that interpret it however they want.

i have my own blog but i’d rather post here.
is that weird? it’s like i go to mine and i open the window and everything goes out of my head. but if i go here instead, it’s like writing you a letter, and it feels safe and it comes easily and i don’t stare at the screen or stare at the wall behind my desk.

there’s this spot where the texture is completely different, instead of being normal speckly wall texture it’s got ridges and there are cracks on my walls and one on the ceiling and i have massive spiderwebs in the corners and if i stay in this one room with the cracks and spiders and the 30 year old carpet i can pretend it’s destitution and this is me being romantic and destitute with my cat and my purple curtains and my sad songs playing.

do you ever start listening to a song and then when it’s over you have to hear it again and then when it’s over you have to hear it again and again and again until it’s been like two hours and you are like holy shit am i still listening to that song? and you have something like audioscrobbler that can totally show that you’re some kinda freak that’s had the same song on repeat for 2 hours and you don’t think anyone actually looks at that thing but you’d still get rid of it if you knew how to find the plugin or whatever and then you’re just like fuck it who cares. does that only happen to me?

sometimes i feel like i’m documenting my own mental breakdown.

i had the day off today. i planned to go to the bank and deposit my check, go by the post office, you know, do something. not anything exciting or fun, but something that required leaving the house. i got out of bed at like 10 and thought i would go later and then two hours later i look at the clock and decide that i can’t go then because the high school kids are out for lunch and i don’t want to be out walking and see them all being stupid and driving too fast on tiny roads because i’m sure i’ll get honked at since coolness is measured by how fast you drive and honking at people on foot and so i think i’ll wait another hour and then i put on my sweater and i put on one sock and my mom calls and says the pharmacy is supposed to deliver her medicine so can i keep an eye out for it? so i say ok and i take off my sweater and i take off my sock and i get in my bed and pull the blankets up and sleep until 3 something. amber called and i didn’t answer, adrianne sent me messages on gayspace and i only read one and these are people i know, you know, and i shy away from them because i don’t want to talk. it’s become 100 times easier for me to talk to strangers and even then i am selective and picky about who i talk to and i’d rather hear them talk about themselves and never ask me any questions and maybe only come to me when they need to rant or want my opinion and just avoid anything else because small talk, i’m so over that. get to the point, let’s figure this out, and then let me sit here and listen to my sad songs on repeat and let’s not say ‘what’s new?’ because you know the answer is nothing and let’s not ask ‘how’s it going?’ because it’s the same as it was yesterday and the day before and the day before and the day before and so on.

that was my day. i continue to email people that don’t want to hear from me and i tell myself i will stop that THIS INSTANT and then i get this overwhelming urge and think ok i will just ask this one last thing or i will share this one last tidbit and then seriously, that’s it, no more. my no mores never come and i won’t be satisfied, never ever ever. i go around the internets clicking links and not paying any attention to any of them. it’s like i’m lost and i am trying to find what it was that used to interest me here and find what it was that used to suck me in and it’s not there anymore and i’m pretty sure it hasn’t been there for awhile.

yep. certifiable.

i miss you, daniel. and i have to pee really bad.

jane says i ain’t never been in love, i don’t know what it is

note to self: i don’t think dan is ever coming back.

i am filling space so that if he does he won’t have to see his same old
banana terra cotta pie extravaganza still up at the top like it has been since LAST MONTH. christ.

plus, i like raping your blog, dan.
it takes it like a bitch and then says thank you.
that’s fucking hot.

so, i was lurking around the world of gayness that is myspace the other day.
and by the other day i mean yesterday. and also the day before. but dates aren’t really important here. ok actually they are because i happened to check your page while i was lurking and it said you’d last visited on the 9th. of DECEMBER. you lurked on myspace and didn’t post on your blog???

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??

ok but seriously. i was at the post office the other day and forgot to ask
them to look in the rulebook and tell me if it is legal to send tobacco
products to canada. i bet you thought i’d never send them, eh? yeah. most people tend to think i’ll never do what i say i will because i inherited the bad, bad habit of procrastination from my mother. i have said before that the only thing that she will ever do that she says she will is die and that’s probably pretty accurate and i like to think that i’m not that bad yet. but give me time. anyway. i’m off monday so i’ll do it then. and by monday i mean next week. and by next week i mean next month. sigh.

love me, dan.

i’m listening to this random playlist of songs i made. i thought at the time there was some cohesion to the list and i thought it was really brilliant and now i can’t seem to find whatever thread i had that tied the songs together. here’s the list, maybe you or someone else can tell me.

so what do you say?