Life is but a dream, drifting on the stream

Last night I had a dream that was as realistic as real life, for the most part. I love those, the ones where the weirdest, stupidest, most absurd things happen and you take them as if it was merely a brief gust of the wind. First I was reliving a conversation I had with Rube about how much it burns me up inside for liking a My Chemical Romance song. And then I was walking through a supermarket that’s in St. Catharines, except it was in Toronto, and Toronto for some reason was now in California and I passed this girl my age from my old high school that I used to think was cute, ‘cept she was sitting in a baby carriage and her boyfriend who was a random face from high school too was pushing her. As I walked by them I was all; “whatever” then I spent like an hour in the dream holding the supermarket doors open for old people and strollers. Which is true to life ‘cos I’m all gentlemanly-like.

Yes… I am.

So then I was walking down the street and I was passing all these celebrities, ‘cept they were faux-celebrities, they don’t actually exist in the real world, and I was all disgusted by them ‘cos they were sports players and I hate sports. After I passed them I skipped, yes, skipped, down the street and I saw Wil Wheaton walk into a Comic Store and I continued walking, except now I was walking backwards and I thought to myself in my dream “I hafta pee..” and then I woke up. And true to the dream, I did have to pee.

The End.

I am hunchback cool.

New banner, it amuses me.

I have that “haven’t shaved in a week” look going on right now, which means I haven’t shaved in a week and it’s spectacular. If I had a camera I’d show you all what I look like with semi-long hair and a 1/8 beard. I look like such a rugged renagade. Ok, not so much, but I can pretend. I’d shave, but that would involve shaving so that’s totally not an option.

Anywho…

So, you know what can be annoying? Morning hard-ons. If you roll over wrong, it’s quite painful. The fact that women seem to believe that they can blab on about thier period all; “I bled everywhere this morning, ohmigosh it’s bad” but the moment a guy says something like “Oh shits! Me wanker is erect!” he’s a pervert. That’s not cool, that’s a double standard, it’s hypocritical and childish. Anyways, I just felt like bringing up morning hard-ons for no reason… so… yeah.

I know a secret…

Dan says:
i vow, pinky swear and promise on my father’s grave to never, ever, ever tell anyone

i’m in love with your daughter, i wanna have her baby says:
you are gonna tell someone i just know it

I’m in love…

http://www.google.com/talk/index.html

Science Vs. Romance

In the past week I’ve made a few observations. I guess I’ll share them here.

– I was talking with Rube about how Rick the MuchMusic VeeJay has been on MuchMusic for far too long. Rick is leaving MuchMusic as of today. I claim a vast conspiracy that involves people reading my MSN chat logs and placing me in a Truman Show-esque reality.

– Chappelle’s Show is the funniest fucking show ever.

– Anton is still a big pain to draw with a Sharpie.

– James looks awesome sans-yeux on paper.

– Jon Stewart is the funniest Jew on television.

– I’ve lost the ability to properly interact with my fellow human beings and it’s annoying as fuck.

– The word “fuck” is the single most versatile word in the English language.

I had a bunch more but I forgot them which brings me to my final observation;

– I’m quite forgetful.

I won’t let you bury it, I won’t you smother it, I won’t let you murder it.

http://www.ubdegrove.co.uk/

Micro$oft.

Source: http://www.gamespot.com/news/2005/08/17/news_6131245.html

So the Xbox 360 is going to be released in two versions. We’ll call version 1 “Shitty-box.” What can Shitty-box do for you? Nothing save play Xbox 360 games for the most part. It has the system, a controller and plugs. No backwards compatibility and no built in harddrive. All this for the low, low price of $299.99!

Two hundred ninety-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents.

That’s absolutely insane. But now, let’s look and version 2, we’ll call it Non-Shitty-Xbox. Non-Shitty-Xbox has the full package. It has backwards compatibility, a built in harddrive, wireless controllers, and a remote control. For $399.99!

Three hundred ninety-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents.

To quote Tycho of Penny Arcade!; “the future is here, and you can’t afford it.”

Tales of the Night: Part 1

So there I stood. The dark waters below me lapping on the shorelines, twisting down it’s path below the bridge. The rain poured down onto the ground, and the thunder capped off in the distance. I took one final drag from my cigarette, flicked it over the side of the bridge and looked up. I saw a shape making it’s way towards me, it’s nervous shuffle making it clear to me that the shape was Gregory.

The little pissant had always rubbed me the wrong way and as my hand reached past my Glock to my pack of cigarettes I smiled at the thought of rubbing him out. Lighting another cigarette and closing my eyes slightly at the pleasure of nicotine I offered the pack to Gregory. He declined the offered cigarette as usual. Little pissant needs to lighten up, I thought to myself.

“So…” started Gregory, looking over his shoulder. “Who else is showing up tonight?” he asked, popping a pill back in his nervousness. Little pissant refused to smoke and drink but he downed valium like it was going out of style. I don’t know how many times I told him to lighten up.

“It’s just us Greggy-Boy,” I smirked at him, moving my hand to the inside of my jacket, my hand closing comfortably around the grip of my Glock. To him it appeared that I was putting my pack of smokes away, but I had already pawned them away. Before he had a chance to blink I had my Glock pointed at his head.

He gasped and his urine trinkled down to the ground, mixing with the water.

“I’d say sorry if I was Greggy-Boy.” Two quick squeezes and his body dropped into the rushing river below. I put my Glock away and pulled one last drag on my cigarette and tossed it over the side of the bridge.

Back in Black, minus the black.

As Rueben brought up the title of this blog is rather ironic. My access to the internet has been limited after something that reminds me of being a kid and getting grounded. I only have net access on the weekends now. Which is a major pain in the ass for many, many reasons.

Also, thanks to Daniel Hoffmann-Gill for pointing out that I won that caption contest.

Wither Canada?

Apparently The Colonel Doctor Teo has shut down his blog, as my browser tells me “404.” It is a sad day in the blogosphere. May we all maintain a moment of silence for the fallen blog.

Seriously serious though, dude, bring the blog back.